NewStats: 3,264,470 , 8,183,806 topics. Date: Wednesday, 11 June 2025 at 08:27 AM 5j2x41

@atom080... Based on my experiences this is what I'd like to say...BE READY TO UNLEARN AND RELEARN.

You are where you are and what you are because of what you were taught and how you were conditioned by your society.

Think of this as a computer with lots of viruses on it. First you get a good antivirus software and install it on the computer, then, the antivirus will detect the viruses and remove them. YOU are the computer, the antivirus software is the new things you will LEARN on your self improvement journey, and the viruses are the things that are keeping you aback. They are to be detected and deleted from the computer — UNLEARNED.

I'm glad you mentioned the experts in your post. If you follow them ardently and read all their posts and comments on nairaland then things will be easy for you. The advices they dish out here are PRICELESS!!

Now, you said you liked reading, that's good. “A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone" if it is to keep its edge — Tyrion Lannister. Unfortunately, I don't think you need to read a single book to have all your quadaries answered. You'll need to read more, and more books. (My advice is that you focus on non-fictions especially self help/self improvement books)

You can also watch videos of a professor called JORDAN B. PETERSON (I highly recommend). His videos are scattered on YouTube. Just look for any of his videos related to any of your problems and listen to him. ***I'll recommend you watch his lectures on his book The 12 Rules Of Life***


Bye for now, as I think of how to get heavy weights to lift in my house. Or, should I for a gym? Hmmm... I think that wouldn't be a bad idea

All hail the great pansophist.

My day is not complete if I don't read from you!!!

I prefer following and learning from you quietly, but I promise... one day I'll write how I noticed you on nairaland, the things I've learnt (and I'm still learning) from you and how I've improved myself by learning from you.

Untill then, let me head to the little gym I created in my house last month... this slender body needs to build some muscles

pansophist:
So I've gone through your submission for the umpteenth time. The underlying problem I could diagnose is that you're a male but not a man. Your instinctual kick is sending signals that you're not what you should be, and all your potentiality is on hibernation. And unless you undergo the necessary process of male transformation, you'll never be happy, and it would get even worse. At 24, you're young, and it's good you want to be better, unlike lots of shameless men that I see that are in their 40's and still stupid beyond help.

You're unhappy, with a low self esteem, making you feel disrespected, envious, invincible, and even worse, you'll become bitter and destructive, then dangerous to be around with. What you're ing through is inevitable, your typical street agberos are like that, and lots of young boys (eg yahoo guys), it seems like they are balling, but they are not. They only cover the void with a lavish lifestyle. When a man can't find a deep sense of meaning in life, they distract themselves with cheap, low class, impulsive pleasure. I'm glad you're not going that way hence you're seeking for help.

We live in a culture where people can defer maturity. It's not uncommon to see a man living with his parents after his 20's. To the guy, it might seems like he has abdicated himself from carrying his own weight, but all he does is allow the dragon (the dragon being consequences of not maturing) to grow so big that when it comes knocking, you'll be too weak to fight it. I thank God for my own parents, after 18, they pushed the boys off to go and face the world.

I personally left my father's house to study abroad when I was a teen, and the first five years was hell. I could see humanity in its true colour, probably that sharpens my lenses on how i see the world. The point I'm making is that if you go slay the dragon (taking life responsibilities and maturity) earlier before it comes knocking, you'll be stronger to deal with it. If you go fight it earlier, you could luckily meet it as a baby, when it's not prepared to fight, or even before hatching. You didn't do these, hence you'll feeling this void. But 24 is still young, and not late. If you do the necessary internal restructuring that is required to develop, from a year time, you see big changes.

Furthermore, the psychological void you're feeling right now is in every man. You must have heard the saying that "to be a man is not a day job". It simply means that to fill the void organically, you must "become", transform, mature, grow up or whatever your preferred synonyms. You'll see lots of men saying "I when I was nobody", a phrase common with musicians and men that have transformed themselves. You'll hardly hear a woman say this, and it's simply because form day one, women are valued just for being women. As a man, you're not. This is the problem I have with current culture. It trains men and women almost identically, but no matter how people are trained socially, if its not in line with their biological predisposition, they would revolt, perhaps with time but they will.

So what should you do now? It's simple, grow up. You said you've been reading my post on nairaland for long, and it should be clear to you that my post mostly revolves about men and women. You're right, and it is because I'm disgusted about what society has become. Especially Nigeria. Its a country populated by weak people, from leaders to followers. And by weak, I'm not referring to the physical expression of strength, but to the internal strength of spirit, will, a strong sense of duty, integrity, and the ever longing taste to be God like. You're created in the image of God . And when weak people populates a society, nothing will work. And people's souls will be crushed, alsp, being ignorant of your weakness will not immune you from the accompanying consequence of it. Its the nature of reality. Read the link below, it's just a surface scratch of what I do that makes people respect me, but in addition to your situation, this is what you should do.

https://nairaland.macsoftware.info/6655380/how-gain-respect-people/2#103805017

You can't respect yourself and on the flip side, other people can not respect you if you're not competent in something. Think of all the people you respect genuinely, they are good at what they do. Be it musicians, businessmen, or scientist. When you command authority in a particular field, people will seek out and respect you. So pick something and try as much as possible to be good at it. Thats what university is all about, but it seems like youths sees it as a place to fork as much people as possible, bribe their way out, and appease their ego that they are only certificated, instead of being a competent individual that commands authority in their respective field. Its a recipe for failure, and I pity those students because the dragon awaits them, and the day of epiphany will be a sad day.

Also when you're good at something, it makes you valuable. Girls will sense your value and come close to you, and she would know the consequence of cheating on you because loosing you means loosing value. Lots of people expect their partners to uphold integrity and not cheat, which is a good expectations of course, but mostly, the job is on the men. When you're successful and competent at what you do, you'll always have options, and nothing keeps a woman in check check compare a man that can her replace her with even more hotter woman same day. The reason why the tomato seller will call you back is because she knows that other seller will exchange their tomatoes with the value you hold. Life is a game of strategy, and it's easier to paddle when you're playing right.

Also start lifting weight. Look at Mike Tyson, he is less than six feet tall and shorter than tu-face, but man, I'll be dead scared of that guy compare to tu-face. Because you're short doesn't mean you can't command physical dominace, you can. Lift weight progressively and build muscles, complimented complimented a thick beard. You notice that you'll begin to respect yourself. You should lift up to a point where your presence implies a potential for violence, if necessary. Even those taller and older will not mess with you because they can feel the implied potential for violence caged inside you, and that even if they delude themselves to defeat you in a face-off, they will end up with life lasting injury, making any face-off with you a bad deal. This doctrine is used in military alot, its known as MAD (mutual assured destruction).

So you should not be harmless, like a rabbit, without any potential to cause mayhem. That it's not virtue, that's weakness. You must be like a tiger, you're full of the potential to be evil, but keeps it tamed. And only use it to defend yourself and loved ones, and most importantly, for the force of good. Look closely, you'll never see any country that has weak animals (eg rabbits, rat) as their national symbol, but you'll see tough dangerous predators like Tiger (India), Eagle (Nigeria) etc.

Also if I can get away with doing harm to you, then you're a coward. If I get away, it should be that you forgave me, not because you couldn't do anything like a rabbit. You cannot afford to he weak, it's how you live life with dignity and like the old saying, if you want peace, prepare for war. So go lift weight and build some physical dominance. And don't smile often. There is no advantage in smiling unnecessarily, do it only when necessary. Smiling often is childlike, implies naivety, attracts disrespect and makes you an easy target to malevolent folks. Be stern looking by default, and smile if necessary. That's masculine.

Also, be curious. Most of what I wrote here is not based on what I read in a book, but more of what I researched and experienced. I'm naturally a curious person, and it has helped me explore areas and reached conclusions that helps improved my life. So I imagine something, then think and google and read and watch videos, until I'm satisfied. I don't read books often, I find it boring. Though I use an app known as goodreads, it helps you get to the thing that matters the most in a book, because like everything in life, pareto principles applies, which means that only 20% of the content in a book matters.

So competence, physical dominance, a knack for curiousity, will get you out of the psychological void you're feeling. Doing all these means you respect yourself, and others will treat you as such. Respecting yourself is not only by what you say, but by what you do. It is even mostly about what you do. And you know what? There is a privilege reserved for people that do things. Your fault would be overlooked or even seen as a virtue. For example when Mark Zuckerberg was in Nigeria, he wore a simple shirt and shorts touring lagos, but people saw it as a testament of his humility. Because he didn't wear big chains and such. But lots of abokis have been touring lagos with shorts and Dunlop slippers, and no one saw it as a testament to their humility but as poverty lol. So yea, being a respectable person always have upsides. There is no downsides to it. None. Start now.

See, digest this one first, because I can write a book on this subject. But I'll be waiting for your follow up, I'm motivated to be of help to you. We've all be there. Catch ya later.

Follow @Pansophist and read all his post and comments. Then thank me later.

You can also follow another dude called @ubunja.

GeneralKoko:
I have been a victim of disrespect over the years from mainly my friends. I don't know if it is because I'm too free or too playful but I hardly gain the respect of people.

Please I need tips on how to gain the respect and loyalty of my friends.
Thanks

pansophist:
What I do that makes people respect me.

1. I own my shit. One thing you'll never see me do is borrow money from you, or expect you to pay my bills (eg if we go out), or by just becoming a burden to people. Never. I'll rather sweep Oshodi expressway to Mile 2 and get paid, than beg for money. My life motto is that I must be able to carry my own weight at least.

2. Self treatment. I don't eat, drink, or digest any rubbish because its sweet. So smoking, drinking beer and soda, and any unhealthy substance is a no no. You are what you eat. If you eat junk, you'll look like junk. If I lift my shirt right now, you'll see clean six packs. No joke. Eating for nutrition instead of taste is a key to self respect. Let food by thy medicine. And the best part is that you'll be fine and healthy.

3. Useless friends - I get mentioned alot on nairaland for example, but if you don't have sense I won't waste a single energy responding to you. I have few friends, and they matter. If I call three of my friends right not that I need cash, four will respond positively. Doesn't mean I ask, just telling you the quality of friends I keep. If you keep idiots as friends, you'll suffer from idiotic problems.

4. Keeping to my lane - infact it is only nairaland I write a lot but in real life, I'm a damn introvert. I'll be looking like I did not know anything but my brain has done all the quadratic equations and guessed accurately what anyone is up to. So yea, do not go where you're not invited, and keep to yourself. Don't talk anyhow. It's tempting I know, but just shut up man.

5. Competence - this is the most important one. You must be good at something. Pick on thing and do it well. It can be anything, but it's easier if you're ionate about it. For example when I was in school, I was known as the best writer and speaker. Like seriously it's impossible to sleep if I handle the mic. Dem no born you well. Try am. You can't. I've always been interested about how the human mind process words, and calibrated my speech in such a way that sparks your interests and brings out that childlike curiosity that has been beaten away by suffering of adulthood.

When you're good at something, people will come to you for it. And it brings confidence. You'll feel good about yourself and your ability, and respect will come naturally.

5. Exercise. I hold the opinion that you can't feel confident if you know deeply that you're not physically attractive. When you can easily get in and out of relationship and have options scattered around you, you'll have confidence as it signifies your value. Think about it, why do young girls of maybe 17, that are broke, have no achievement in the real world but have ego the size of aso rock? Yea you guess right. They are at their prime, naturally attractive, hence the confidence. They know the value they hold, and it let them navigate life with pride. As a man, you can tap from it too. Go lift heavy weight man, eat healthy and rock a bad ass beard. Fine like mad. Even if you're an idiot, your confidence will sky rocket.

Self disappointment - stop it. You said you'll visit grandma but didn't go, or that you'll loose weight but slack. Or your new year resolution dumped. Come on man. If you disappoint yourself, then its impossible to respect yourself. Do shit you want to do, dutifully. And do things that are hard. The only way out is always through it. If you can't rely on the promise you gave yourself, why would someone else do? Treat yourself like someone you care for. It's hard I know, but its the way out.

Would have written more, but I'm tired. Digest this one first. Later jare.

ubunja:
Miseducations awaiting to be ed:

Season Of The Thug
The Prostitute And Her Pìmp
Badboy - a study of a diamond in the rough
The Player
A Player Is Nothing But A Woman With A Dick
Mother-Nature's Tender Love For The Player
The Power Of Narcissism
Sex With Strangers
The Under-Utilized GF
The Way You Start With A Woman Is How You End With Her
Lessons From A Bitch
Think Like A Hoe, Act Like A Man
Guys Are Like That, Girls Are Like This
That Lil' Break-Up She Initiated For No Reason
Cheaters And Losers
Don't Respond To Emotional Punches With Physical Punches
The Strings Women Pull To Control You Like A Puppet
The Secret Language Of Girls
Decoder - What Girls Says VS What They Really Mean
What makes you a good fucker makes you a bad father (and vice versa)
Get Your Bad Boy On
The Coward's Guide To Getting A GF.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY... @WhyNa

pansophist:


Youre Ghanaian I guess? I love you already. Send me an email. It its on my profile.

Thank you

pansophist:
Tell your uncle to come look after your mum, while you supply cash. If he refuses, don't pick his calls again. It would send a clear message that you're not subservient to him. Don't also quit your job, it's your power and bargaining chip. Let one of your siblings look after your mum, while you supply the funds necessary until your family gets over this challenge. Make it clear that quitting your job is not negotiable, of what use is a man when he can't even provide ? Don't make that mistake.

The responsibility to look after your mum is also on them, not just you. Telling you that they will hold you able if your mum dies should only worry you if you're not providing funds, as far you're providing, ignore their words, even a stupid person have something to say, and you must accept that many times, stupid people are not far, they are within your circles, even families.

It is your conscience and "being right" you should care about, not some threats and opinions of someone that is probably lazy, haven't work and have a low milage of ambition.

Please sir, I would like to have you as as my role model. I have learnt a lot since I started following you on Nairaland. I'm not a Nigerian. I have a respected, good-paying government job in my country. I'm a simple quiet guy still navigating through life and everything you say resonates with me.

I would understand if you ignore me, but I truly believe taking little pieces of advice from you can guide me to make the best life decisions.

This place has been quiet for a while.

I know we will be hearing good news from @Whyna soon

I guess I'm not an ordinary dude, am I?

SkyOne11:


I also wanna know abt this o. Does vietnam have 24/7 electricity and water?

Hahaha... I've never been to Vietnam but, bro, If even Ghana, my country, has 24/7 electricity and water then that shouldn't be a problem at all in Vietnam - a country where Americans, Brits and other Native Speakers troop to to work as language teachers.

wow then vietnam is one of the few countries that has handled covid very, very well!!

WhyNa:


There is no surge in the numbers and only the originating province and neighbouring towns or specific areas were put on 21 DAYS lockdown starting January 28

Since the new cases which started on the 28th of January,, a total of 375 people have been infected in THE WHOLE COUNTRY. That is hardly regarded as a surge.
Since the pandemic started, only a total of 1967 people have been infected with 35 deaths. Again, this can hardly be called a surge.

Asides schools closing early, everything remains normal of course with wearing of masks and implementation of safety health measures



Vietnamese were the first friends I had before any other nationality.

No I don't get bored. I speak English daily. There are actually Vietnamese people who speak some conversational level English here.

Also, there are OTHER foreigners here so...

We hope the the situation is brought under control

PARTS OF VIETNAM ON LOCKDOWN AGAIN!!

Thanks for the update. Do you see another lockdown or ban on international flight coming??

WhyNa:
As we get ready for the TET celebration and holiday, sadly, new cases have emerged totally 100 in just 2 days.

This isn't good as stricter measures are now being put in place which includes 21 days quarantine instead of 14 days for those infected.

Already, visa prices had skyrocketed. With this new development, especially the increased quarantine days, prices are sure to go even higher if they even continue to issue visas.

My advice to anyone who is currently processing anything is to hold on for now as things aren't looking good.

Let's hope as usual, they contain this as they have done in the past

Picture: Kumquat tree and Pomelo. So basically, these fruits are symbolic to TET and families buy the tree, big or small and keep in their houses ahead of the celebration.

Other symbolic things are paper money popularly called lucky money. They believe getting and burning it brings good luck and wealthy for the new year.

There's also the peach and apricot blossom flowers and something called first footer. The first footer to your house must be a male and someone you invited . They believe this also brings good luck and all that Then there's Chung Cake.

I'll try my best to take lots of pictures....if there's no lockdown.

Chao

WhyNa:


4-6 weeks

Thank you

WhyNa:


Possible for the current 3 months visa

Can you kindly tell me how long it takes to get the 3 months visa after putting in an application??

Thank you a lot

WhyNa:
I honestly don't blame people who return home and say the cold is too much. I no blame them.

It's just 11 degrees here and all my triple clothing no dey work again

Oh my gosh.

endee1996:
for those of us who have gotten the TEFL CERTIFICATE and other documents and your just waiting for the borders to open...

you can start teaching English online. this would give you an experience and of course,more money.

How do they do get online teaching jobs??

Just when we thought things were getting better, news have started popping up that Vietnam is experiencing a third wave of covid-19.

We pray the government arrests the situation and gets thing back to norm.

And may God keep protecting @WhyNa for us.

Bad news for vietnamese students. I think the services of GOOD english language teachers are still in very, very high demand in their country.

Always happy to read from you. Thanks a lot for this update.

Btw, I heard there are some natural disasters happening in vietnam, how true/false is it??

I pray God keeps guarding and protecting you.

Amen!!

WhyNa:
2) Staying in a hotel for 1 week.

Now this was inevitable but the money I spent in one week was half of one month's rent.

I could have gone for a cheaper place but I had money on me so I had to be careful. I also had foodstuffs that needed to be opened and aired cos of the heat from packaging for days.

If you have someone here, it's best to ask the person to help you get an apartment you can move into as you land. However, don't rely on pictures sent. Do a video call with the person and see the house from the street till they enter they house and all. Agoda and booking dot come is also a good place.

For guys who travel light, you can actually stay in a hostel with bunk beds and save lots of money but generally, I still don't advice this. Safety and cleanliness issues.

Whatever you do, don't stay more than a week in a hotel, home stay or hostel. Start exploring and looking for house the day or next

WhyNa:
Hey guys, happy new month to y'all and happy independence day to Nigeria too!

E don teyyyy no be small. This has partly been due to good and bad circumstances

Covid 2.0 wahala
Bike issues
Accident
"Friend" wahala. Not going to give details on this but trust me when I refuse to give out some details here
New job


You can already see it ended in praise. I'll share with you in a minute.

PS: Random picture
These are public bikes that you can scan and ride. Costs about 400 naira per hour

Edit: The picture no gree so here's a picture of the pool in my building that I have never used

Pictures are refusing to attach cos of the file size and the option for decreasing image ratio on Nairaland doesn't seem to be available again. Anyone know why?

Always good to hear from you.

WhyNa:

That's the one I won't mention before people activate calculator inside their head. Lol.

About the mail... I didn't see any and I'm also trying not to reply mails so this thread doesn't die.

Someday, the borders will be open and people will need all the info they can get. Even a question that seems "silly" to one person might be just what another is looking for

Thank you @WhyNa

All we are waiting for now is for Vietnam to open her boarders for international flight.

We pray for a drop down in the number of covid cases there and we pray that God protects you for us.

Thanks.

This was their reply to my quandaries.

I actually wanted to apply for a postgraduate course

otopxy:


Well, the name of the school is Ton Duc Thang University.

The scholarship is 100%. I am requested to confirm my acceptance and provide further infirmation to help them arrange my visa.

From their website they only accept international students from certain countries. I sent them a mail and they confirmed that.

Kindly your country before you make any payment.

WhyNa:


All the best

Great!!

@WhyNa I just sent you a mail. Kindly respond.

THE PRESIDENT OF GHANA LIVED IN HIS FATHER’S HOUSE TILL HE BECAME PRESIDENT IN 2016. HE’LL STILL MOVE TO THE SAME PLACE AFTER HE FINISHES HIS TERM. HE LOVES THAT HOUSE.

I love giving, but also love saying NO!!

I’m unpredictable.

I give, when I want. I refrain, when I wish.

My mom is my priority, but she rarely asks cos I always do the needful on time.

Aside her everyone else know they can’t force money from my pocket!!

I’m stubborn. I can’t be manipulated!!

Be like me!!!

olabrinks:
1. Maintain your weight whilst your young. Not watching your weight will give you series of problem later on in life. Exercise and eat properly.

2. Dont be with someone who’s family do not like you. It is an everlasting battle that you will eventually lose.

3. You will not gain respect trying to please everyone. Stand up for yourself and always speak your mind.

4. Only share things when you are established. People are envious and will try to destroy your plans if you share too quickly.

5. Listen more than you talk.

6. Social skills are paramount for getting further in life. You must learn how to make solid connections.

7. Elders do not know it best

8. Confidence is more valuable than looks

9. Your family doesn’t always want the best for you

10. No one will values you until you hit it big.

11. Be careful with alcohol. It is addictive and very accessible, probably the worst drug out there.

These are just some of mine, feel free to contribute some of yours.

I memorized and used these from random books I read.

1 - “In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.”

2 - “Everything that’s been achieved in the history of mankind has been achieved by not being safe.”

3 - “you cannot help anyone until you’ve first helped yourself”

4 - Many smart and cunning people believe the first principle of power is – when you have power, always feign powerlessness. Know this when you see a powerful friend/relative who always cunningly play the role of a weak person making you assume you’re powerful. They’re indirectly manipulating you!

Channel it through your parents’ Imam/Pastor, they are exceptionally good at breaking bad new.

Trust me. They’ll do it in such a away that your parents may love you even more for being withdrawn!!

sagna112:
My name is Uche a 100Level supposed medicine and surgery student of a Nigerian University, I used to be very brilliant and that was what instigated me to apply for Medicine and Surgery after acquiring an aggregate score of 270 in both JAMB and POST-UTME Examinations, I was then itted a years ago into a university.

I am the only child of my parents, they have spent so much on me just to make sure I become a doctor, dad had to sell one of his plots of land to pay for my registration fees, purchase a brand new laptop, a phone and clothes for me and all my needs, Mum who has no job since she was sacked by the state government will always try to send the little that will through her, when I think of the way she announced to her friends when I gained ission to study Medicine it brings tears from my eyes.

It will be an injustice on me to be blamed or for me to blame myself, I know the effort I have also made, I have always taken my studies serious, I never missed any lecture, I neither miss assignments nor tests, I sit at the front of the class, I don't keep bad gangs, I have never attended a party, sometimes I do RTDB (Read Till Day Break), what is then my offense? why me?

At the end of my 100 level Second semester my CGP was reading 4.2 without a single carryover, I was very happy because I thought I had scaled through the danger zone.

The unexpected occurred when I logged into the school portal at the end of my Second Semester Examination to check my result, I cleared all the courses with A's and B's but a course was reading Carryover, I nearly fainted when I saw the result, it was a biology course I offered in second semester to me the course was the simplest of all. I did not inform my parents because I din not want to dishearten them.

The school resumed, so I went to my HOD and complained, she took me to the Exam office who searched thoroughly for my script and from what I saw it was obvious I failed, I scored 32% and was asked to change department, my HOD advised that I go to Biological Sciences, my eyes were filled with tears.

How do I tell my parents this, it only mean I have brought shame to them. I have remained in school since then crying from one angle to another I don't know whether to go home to my parents to inform them of the truth or keep telling them lies.

I need your sincere advice.