NewStats: 3,264,989 , 8,185,275 topics. Date: Friday, 13 June 2025 at 04:46 AM 445e17

mostyg:
wa Alaykum salam,

You either go with the state or private hajj operators. The state hajj is cheaper around 800-900k, while the private operators vary between 1.25m -1.9m depending on the package. The later is known as 'international' and the duration of stay in Makkkah and Medina is usually between 2-3wks. The State can stay up to 4weeks.

Thanks for the reply I appreciate a lot.

Salam alaykum my brothers n sister

Pls I'm new in Islam n I'm planning to attend hajj next year, pls I need ur kind assistance in educating me the processes, step n cost involved in doing so.

Thanks in anticipation,

.

Floodgater:
After all these time you still dont feel right yet you are forcing yourself to Anyways, dont be naive to the point of not utilizing the opportunity of furthering your study abroad immediately after birth. You will know what you really want for yourself after it.

Yeah that is exactly what I will do arangement has already been and it's certain as far God gives me the gift of life. As for forcing myself I just have to till I give birth but I still said it has not been that bad. Thanks.

veave:



I know i was harsh to you the other time. Don't be angry ok?
Your husband is a good man and gives you all the within his reach. The thing is, you can still be happy in Nigeria as a second wife if you choose to. Not all those people you see with single husbands are happy, most of it is cosmetic marriage. Some are ing through the worst form or physical, emotional, mental and spiritual abuse you cant think of in this world. I'm so glad your baby is on the way, alt least it would be a neutral ground for all the parties involved. Do not feel inferior because of your marital status. The grass they say is always greener on the other side until you cross over. Besides, life my sister is what you make out of it. What ever decision you take in future just make sure you put your baby first. Do have a good life ahead of you.
PEACE.

Dear thanks for your understanding, this baby is really a source of joy to me n I'm so glad I'm going to be a mum it's really a nice feeling, I do pray to God for forgiveness everyday because I tried to abort the pregnancy when I discovered initially because I really wanted to leave then without baggage but my bundle of joy was already 17 weeks so I couldn't bring myself to do it not with my husband pleas that I should give birth to the baby n he will take full responsibility if I'm not ready to be a mum.

All the same I know I'm responsible for my decision and at the time me agreeing to marry hubby was me being selfish, my decision to leave was me being selfish again but all the samet it hasn't been that bad. Hubby is very surportive most especially when he tries to come down to my level.

PEACE TO YOU TOO.
THANKS.

thorpido:
You've been advised severally on the need to quit and get a new life but for reasons that you can't even rationalise,you have stayed put.
You have laid your bed and you have to lie on it.Many years to come,you will wish it had been different.You will probably be one of 3 or 4 wives.

When I opened the thread I was pregnant without my knowledge, when I discovered I was already pregnant I couldn't bring myself to leave with the unborn baby. Really I can't fend for myself n d unborn baby alone.

babyosisi:


So you have settled and become well adjusted into the polygamy sumtin?

I'm leaving my life just as before but with less complain afterall I got myself into it.
l got to understand life better but the deed has been done with baby on the way.

Hubby try to me the best way he can even though I spell it out rightly to him that he is my mistake, he doesn't make a scene out of it apart from saying sorry about it.

well I'm in a polygamous marriage fact but still very shy to talk about it among my peers n about adjusting I have no chioce than to move on.

quivah:

1. she got herself into it
2. she's pregnant now
3 husband is ready to give her her freedom and independence
4. she's got a husband, kid and job(In future)
5. no complaints... obviously she has no troubles with husby and first wife
.she should move on with her polygamy something while building her future and also try to make peace. she should try to persuade husby to get her an apartment outside the compound she lives with first wife and maintain her 2nd wife status.

life continues

We don't stay in the same compound but same neighbourhood, d last time I saw his wife was last year Sallah day n hubby rarely discuss anything about her with me.

thorpido:
So you don't have your life now?

I have my life but I feel I don't belong to the same world with my husband n im not suppose to be his wife.

eitsei:
so u plan to leave him after u might av become independent after all he's done for u?.....

Yes he has done so much for me but what he wanted is children thank God I'm having one very soon so I won't be all selfish though he said he loves me n wish he met me earlier, as far as am concerned he has done no wrong to me but I just think I'm not suppose to be his wife, we don't belong to the same world so I'm going for a second degree n make myself independent. If I become independent i can at least have a voice.

Ha this thread has resurrected

Babyosisi I saw ur advice it was one of a kind but I couldn't mail u because d worst had already happened then.

I was pregnant n I didn't even realise maybe God wanted to punish me for being selfish though I will soon put to birth as I'm almost due, I still had ur mail in my diary n what I wanted to mail u then, my husband also saw the thread n became very unhappy.

I really appreciate your advice and your understanding, thank you very much.

By the grace of God what I'm planning to do after I put to birth is get another marketable degree which will take maybe 5 years or so outside the country and hubby has agreed to sponsor me, after that I might get a job n become independent then maybe have my life back but I don't want to be dependent of any man ever again. @ babyosisi what do you think?

ECSpee:
@op one question for you before I profer my advice: Did you have a proper wedding?...Did your sister/parents or any member of your family consented the marriage? Or you just packed into his house like ... @op one question for you before I profer my advice: Did you have a proper wedding?...Did your sister/parents or any member of your family consented the marriage? Or you just packed into his house like ...

We had a proper marriage, my sister/family consented to it though they where not okay with my decision, they did everything possible to stop me but i blantantly refuse to listen to them because to me then they were no where to be found when the going was rough and they ask me to move on with my life the best way i can, they even went as far as saying it was magic but they gave their consent after much interogation, rules, prayers and when they got to know him a little in person etc they even insisted we had a court marriage.

mutter:
As long as the first wife has accepted you and her consent was sought there is no critic on being a second wife. Your husband has fufilled the consditionas as provided by his faith.
Secondly she has improved her marriage through you, so she is even in a better position.

Thank you very much for the advice. you have been fair all through. thanks.

Sophyrocks:
Op, i hope you are ready for a third wife. Because the probability of another woman coming in is high especially if your husband feels like falling in love over again with a younger woman than you are. Its a good thing you are being realistic about the sole reason he married you; For children only. You've laid your bed so lie on it.

#Thinking aloud# Now i wonder what sort of happiness a woman can derive from a man who married her for childbearing purposes only. If its just material possessions then my position on polygamy has been right all along. SMH.

In of happiness, we are good, we are like every other married couple with polygamy as the difference. im happy in the marriage, i dont have a single problem with him in person, i only have problem with polygamy and myself for accepting it because ive been taged unwarranted names.
come to think of it, if he married me because his first wife couldnt give him his number of desired children then im not the only one he married for children.

Abojupupa:
Having read your story, I made the following deductions:
You married a good man and he made you comfortable
You no longer wish to be a 2nd wife.
My opinion:
You need to look before you leap so that you dont lose all you have.
Are you aware that many ladies are still single and seriously searching even at 30+?
Do you know guys will normally not marry a divorcee especially if she already has a kid?
Consider your looks: why was it that you did not attract single guys while your hubby was wooing you? Do you think you can attract other single guys? Apart from your looks, what other things do you have as assets that can attract guys? How will you avoid players? Just think about these before you take your decision.

lol sorry i had to laugh at the consider your look, i can rate myself as extremely beautiful, thank God for that. hubby had sleepless nights when i went to nysc orientaton camp. he never allowed 5 min past without hearing from me, i couldnt stay a day wiThout answering what im still doing in camp. i had a boyfriend who was single before i met hubby, probaly he was scared i was going to be a boden when i left my sisters house he broke up with me within a week, even as i am married singles guys do approach me even though i know majorrity of them are players.

dear my look is not the problem and about assets that can attract single guys i have alot of it. i just want to be stigma free
no unwarranted insult and hatred, having people who see me foolish, stupid, greedy, silly, unhappy etc around me. thanks for the advice.

Mondisweets:
He told you they had separated but later on you found out he is still very much in love with his wife and they are not at all separated and you are just a baby-making machine, hiding behind the second wife title My dear you cant play victim, you made a choice and now u have to live with the consequences. Whether u decide to stay or leave, you will still have to endure the consequences of the decision you make. So you decided to ask for serious advice on NL, madam are you okay?

Yes im okay. He came to visit me in school bought an engagement ring, gave it to me, we spent some time togheter when he was about living that same day was when he told me about his wife, i had to let go then, he came to visit me again in school with his wife, he said he was serious and our marriage will be normal and his wife is in . he informed me that when he told his people about his intention of getting married again they gave him a condition that he must reconcile with his wife because his wife is still very much interested in the marriage and she has no problem with him getting married again at that point in time i couldnt let go because he was pratically a family to me then, who showed me so much love and just to marry me not that i dont love him? i do love him, he is very okay and honest. i had to go ahead and marry him otherwise i will see myself as an ungrateful person, i never knew polygamy comes with stigma and sometimes unwarranted hatred from people especially as the second wife. i dont know im playing victim, i taught i was writing my story and about child rearing i only knew about that after the marriage. NOTE; I wont be fair if i dont mention that up till now i dont have a child nor pregnant but he is still ive. thanks for the advice

veave:



Sweedy there is nothing personal about your matter abeg. Nne i am not married yet, and when i do it definitely would not be another woman's husband. Again when i i finally do honey, i will wait patiently for predators like you with my cutlass, bows and arrows. You are a very wicked girl, this is how you want to pay the poor man and innocent woman for all their sacrifices by backing out of the deal... you better open your legs and start shooting out babies if you don't want Amadioha to strike you dia. Mtchwww... yeye geh...

Please my dear im sorry for exchanging word with u i didnt come here to that really. Thanks a million for d critisism as painful as it sound its highly appreciated. i pray u get a good husband who wouldnt look at girls like me if at all there is any, Amen.

zeezzy:
@sherina10,what has d man done to u?Nothing;his wife nkò?Nothing. know that some pple will also be seeing d man as a betrayer for marrying you and his first wife for a fool for accepting you & treating u nicely.
The grieviances u stated is nothing.Its like looking for trouble where there is none.What do u want to do wit his personal belongings?For d fact that he's not putting them in your house does not mean he wil neva put them there.Just continue being good&patient.
As for his friends not visiting him in your house, he has a place they are used to.They barely know u.
Take it easy on yourself,i can't see any problem here.Love them as they have love u and watch how things will continue improving.
As per pple looking at u somehow,what concerns u wit their looks &opinion.If u had married a rich single man & u are frm a poor background,thats how u wil b percieved,so let dem continue looking @ u somehow while u continue enjoying your family.
You must be contented,just as d first wife accepted u & treat u nicely;Respect her & treat her wit kindness too.Never wish that she's out of d picture so u can be d only one.May God continue to grant u mercy & guidance.

Amen, thank you very much for the advice and ThANKS AT ALL for the advice n d critisism I REALLY appreciate. thx

veave:





If you were soo soo happy with your life, you would not bring your sob story to us on nairaland... honey, you cannot eat your cake and have it either that is were sacrifice comes in. if i were you, i would go and shop for different types of beautiful jalabia, socks and scarf and start going to the mosque. Dress appropriately because you are married to a muslim so that he can start respecting you. As far as he is concerned you are still an infidel in his eyes... Madam do the right thing and stop disturbing us biko...

my life? sweetie im 100% happy with it even beyound my expections, dont take things too personal or did anyone snacthed your husband from you which made you single again? if that is the case sorry about it but you should know that your husband was also vulnerable. About bringing my sob story to nairaland to disturb u sorry about it but i didnt force you to read/comment but since you already did move on with your life.

veave:



Honey... you were an aristo choper. any lady that goes out with a man knowing he is still married to his wife is a runs girl. God gave you an opportunity to leave when he said he reconciled with his wife. But no, you did not. You still stayed. Change your ways honey... and the third wife? i see her at your door step already...



FYI. There is no way the life of a second wife will be better than the life of a single happy woman... don't deceive yourself with the material things at your disposal. If you were a bit patient, you wouldn't have been in this mess. We are SINGLE but we are HAPPY.

excuse me, dont decieve yourself from your own little world. I dont know where you drew conclusion from that im not happy, i had it all or are u hurt that i want to eat my cake n have it as speculated? sorry its not such a mess as u think.

Floodgater:
You say he married you for kids but you married him for comfort which makes the two of you or would you rather he married you for love when you didnt either, you see you cant eat your cake and have it. I am not blaming you though cos of your age but i want you to know and work on your SELFISHNESS to better yourself and avoid future problems. The reason you want to leave this man is not that you have realise your mistake but cos of what people are saying. I advice you leave this man and take time to know and go for what you want, more importantly work on yourself or you forever be jealous, miserable and possibly become evil in that marriage. Make peace with atleast your sister if not her hubby, what about other family ?

Ive made peace with my sister n her huby, we are good now other family are my extended family.

i realised my mistake even before the marriage but i just had to continue because of the time n trust hubby had on me because really he was suppose to marry some else before he met me. i taught after the marriage it would be easy on me but people still see me as greedy without realising that if i was greedy as speculated i would av ate and run.

[quote author=veave post=28851132]Ojukokoro...
You are not wise as coogar said. Your mates know when it is time to run away but you did not. Aristo girls do not want the whole package they know when to bail, but alas you were too greedy, thinking he will leave madam so you can get everything. Babe, i have no advice for you. Deal with your problems and PLEASE to be kind to the third wife when she comes just as the first wife was kind to you

madam you are the one that is foolish, how dare u compare me to an aristole? do men that pick aristole told them they wanted marriage? where in my post did i mention i want everything? when he marries a 3rd wife my relation with her will be none of ur buisness. did i force u for an advice? even as i am a second wife i can bet my as. s that my life is better than yours so fu.-ck off.

stinggy:
Sorry, what has changed?
You knew you would be second wife all along and accepted, so why the sudden turn?

Yes I knew I was going to be a second wife, what's wrong is what I wrote above. Thx

coogar:


so you would rather be a divorcee of a polygamist man than be in a polygamous marriage?

I can't deal with the emotion and the stigma. That awful look they give me when they discover i'm a second wife at my age breaks my heart.

[quote author=LewsTherin post=28845564]I try to only give advice on Nairaland but sometimes, I just want to vent!

You are 23yrs. You met a guy in 2012. That's 2 years ago. You were 21yrs.
You are currently serving. Which means you were seeing the fella while in school. You either married him in school or while serving. Either way, you met, dated, married as the second wife and are contemplating divorce all within a 2 year period! Dang!! Na only you waka come?


FUNNY but TRUE.
Thx for the advice.

rolled:
And you just ed today on nairaland
I wish you the attention you seek for
Ameeeeeeeeeeeeen

What do I need a faceless attention for? That's my life story. It took me a lot of courage to post this here because I really need advice from others who wouldn't compromise in doing so.

coogar:
you want a divorce after telling us this much?



sherina10 or fückever name you call yourself, you must be an extremely foolish woman!

What I meant by comfort was that he helped me a lot when I moved out from my sister's house. Because he was practically the family I never had then.

Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.