NewStats: 3,264,522 , 8,183,991 topics. Date: Wednesday, 11 June 2025 at 11:57 AM 6e5ot

I've been through this stage before... I shared my story here sometime last year and early this year.
The truth of the matter is, it is not easy untangling yourself from an arrangement you've become used to.
But that is what is called "comfort zone". You can't grow in your comfort zone. It happens in all areas of life, whether career, business, academics, etc.. Marriage is no different. You know you deserve better, you know you can get better.
Let me be plain with you., take the advices you're getting here about reading, watching YouTube messages about tips for moving on after divorce, learning a skill, starting a masters program (if you already don't have) emeshing yourself in work, meditation, praying, etc.
Do all of these, but don't ever go back.
That thing you left behind, is not good for you.

@OP Give it time.. time heals everything.
In the meantime, go on vacation and start to mingle with other ladies. Once you meet a much better lady, well mannered and well behaved, this your problem will become a thing of the past.
Never take your own life over trivial things like breakup.. how do you guys even get such thoughts to start with?.

.

Odafe360:
you think I'm broke? Lolss... You're pathetic

If you are making real money no woman will leave you in Nigeria especially going to the extent of packing out of the house every time you have a minor disagreement.

Every woman loves comfort therefore she will not want to jeopardize the relationship so that she will not loose the comfort and protection your money provides.

It is what it is!

Except perhaps you're impotent, but there is something you're not telling us

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.
I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.
A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

Hit the gym, you can go for morning and evening sessions. Be open to meeting new people, forget the introvert ish, be intentional and judicious with the gym thing.

What you are going through is very normal. Therapist would reassure you it's a phase you must go through which will fizzle out over time.

As for me, if my wife pack her bag to her parents house na there everything ends cos it will take me 100 years to go there to beg.

OP are you sure you an an introvert?

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.
I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.
A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

Follow @john_doe (agba) on X.

Read some of his posts and send him a DM concerning your experience. His advise will help you much.

obiekunie01:


your problem is poverty bro!

you are very poor that's why she leaves you at the slightest provocation to yash other guys!

take this time and go learn a skill that will make you comfortable in life. i didn't say make you rich cause that one fit hard you small, i am talking of comfortable.

YOU TAKE THIS TIME YOU ARE SPENDING ON CRYING OVER A HOE AND GO LEARN WELDING, OR TILING, OR EVEN MECHANIC OR MESON.

Women hate broke guys - no matter how sweet your gbola is, she will still leave you whn needs call.

he said, "no work for now because I'm on my annual leave." and you conclude he is has poverty following him

so you dull and dense like this

samguru:


I asked if the lady comes from one of the states in the South South,and the next thing you could do is to use that your sinful fingers to insult me because I doubt if your brain was involved in this response.

it is shocking to see someone who doesn't know the difference between a question and a guess, talking about the use of a brain.

I want to guess the lady is from one of the states in the South South of Nigeria.

That was your comment. What exactly were you trying to insinuate with your guess if not for the childish attachment of bigotry to a topic that has nothing to do with your cunning guess.
Forgive yourself for trying to be clever. You failed.

Mordson:
If you have a well paying business or job, you won't be saying all of this.

Reading between the lines I can deduce the fact that you're very poor. I mean extremely broke. The fact that your wife goes to her mum at the slightest provocation points to that. If you're rich or financial okay, your wife won't dump you like this. Do you think Regina Daniels would ever leave Ned Nwoko, no matter the maltreatment she gets from him? Never.

And something tells me you couldn't satisfy her in za oza room as well. Cos even if you're poor, your wife would have consoled herself with the fact that you make her orgasm all the time in the bedroom. So I understand why you feel miserable.

I will just advise you to get another woman who would accept you the way you are, and you'd forget your ex wife in no time. Except it's extremely hard for you to chyke a woman. 🤨

You could have put all these in a lesser harshy form and more friendly way even if what you thought about him is the fact. Are you as rich as Ned Nwoko? Be nice.

Odafe360:
you think I'm broke? Lolss... You're pathetic

Of course, those two clowns are pathetic, don't listen to them

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.

It is too early to be asking yourself why you haven't been able to move on because I just read your first thread which was December 8th. Give it more time because it will take time before you adapt to your new reality most especially the kids.
And again, nothing stops you to go and see your kids regularly anytime you are missing them. Just don't create alone time with your wife in her father's house.
And you need to go out more often. Make friends in your environment and also get in the game again and don't forget social media like Facebook where there are plenty of dating groups. Just be careful so that you are not scammed, don't be desperate.

idahme:


He has been with married people all his life, his parents were married , this is a silly question.

don't just mind that golible idiot, I see another idiot dey talk say s because the guy s poor, I no know why some people no dey reason well, untill it happen to them shaa befoer them know how it feels.

koladata:
List 10 reason why you wanted her to go , print it out boldly and put it under your pillow , when ever you want to start thinking about her just bring it out and read them to yourself

look for someone else to start a relationship with , search for it like its a job. Dress well every evening , go to an industrial area when people are about to close from work , talk to them , have a target of 20 rejection , before you talk to 20 ladies , one will be cool with you

Humm hummm Spartacus, I salute you ooo

wonder233:
As someone who has gone through what you're currently going through, I endorse this comment.

pls which skill do you learn pls

my brother, I salute back

Smilleydr:
Humm hummm Spartacus, I salute you ooo

Mordson:
If you have a well paying business or job, you won't be saying all of this.

Reading between the lines I can deduce the fact that you're very poor. I mean extremely broke. The fact that your wife goes to her mum at the slightest provocation points to that. If you're rich or financial okay, your wife won't dump you like this. Do you think Regina Daniels would ever leave Ned Nwoko, no matter the maltreatment she gets from him? Never.

And something tells me you couldn't satisfy her in za oza room as well. Cos even if you're poor, your wife would have consoled herself with the fact that you make her orgasm all the time in the bedroom. So I understand why you feel miserable.

I will just advise you to get another woman who would accept you the way you are, and you'd forget your ex wife in no time. Except it's extremely hard for you to chyke a woman. 🤨

U just dey talk


Some ladies are highly provocative, proud , arrogant and lazy

Forget say U dey give her money or good fuckkkk......

She go misbehave..pack out ....cos she know say the man go come back

Some women are adult babies fr..

Odafe360.....just maintain your divorce with her... she's a troublesome woman and very confused...she doesn't know what she wants...leave her...some women are like that...they don't know what they want at their age.... acting like babies...

Man up...dress good Nd smell nice...eat good food....

We have but a short time here on earth....so no loose guard.....enjoy your life to the glory of God

Have you ever wondered why we don't take marriage to the grave ?

Na cos say God no need am....it ends here.....na people dey enjoy am ..they suffer am as well

Your life is bigger than your marriage....
You don born already...so take care of your children...leave the unserious woman alone....

If she kpai....you no go live Ur life....or if U kpai ... u think say she no go re-marry...

Omoo....pick up yourself and move on...

This is life.....it's like war zone...person drop for your side no concern you oo...just keep moving forward and don't look back

Odafe360:
I ?

Be entering bars and clubs...you will see big big things that will take your mind off your pitiable state.

Odafe360:
Yeah, I'm thinking of travelling.... Thabks alot brother!!!

I read on twitter recently how Ghana is kot that expensive for a vacation, with 500-600k you can have a good 2 weeks vacation including transport ooo. Make it easier by getting a travelling buddy to split the bills, this will take your mind off things fora while.

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.
I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.
A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

Come smoke loud with me, you will thank me later

maasoap:


It is too early to be asking yourself why you haven't been able to move on because I just read your first thread which was December 8th. Give it more time because it will take time before you adapt to your new reality most especially the kids.
And again, nothing stops you to go and see your kids regularly anytime you are missing them. Just don't create alone time with your wife in her father's house.
And you need to go out more often. Make friends in your environment and also get in the game again and don't forget social media like Facebook where there are plenty of dating groups. Just be careful so that you are not scammed, don't be desperate.

Thanks alot brotherly for taking out time to drop this beautiful advise. God bless you!!!

in a gym and burn your self out plus you’d meet new people there since you’re on your leave period

samguru:
I have been in this situation and I know how it feels especially when you love the woman.

In my case,the woman disappeared with my boy and that added more pain to the pain of divorce.

I focused more on self development and all the projects that I have pending in my life.

I got married to another woman five years after the divorce, though still missing my boy but i thank God for my life now.

Use this time to scan your life and fix every area you need to fix before entering another marriage.

I want to guess the lady is from one of the states in the South South of Nigeria

A bit of digression please, I hope your wife and her family are aware that you have a son?

If she can move on why you as a,man can't do thesame

Divorce is the most difficult situation of ones life cos it's a lost that is similar to death of a love one, reason why I implore couples to stick to each other and make their marriage work cos divorce might look like a solution but the pain thereafter is severe. Op, I won't blame you for this cos you did the right thing by standing your ground as a man just that it's unfortunate that you married an immature woman that doesn't value her home and marriage and also worst that she got rubbish family that enables her to misbehave. It's said that it is better to have a good inlaw than a good spouse cos when things go south, your in-laws will speak sense into your spouse head. I am also divorced for 2yrs now and will tell you it's not an easy journey. The rollercoaster of emotions is overwhelming, today you feel better and the next minute you are deep into depression and severe grief but I tell you something you will get out of it with time, it's normal to feel this way cos you never expected that your home will break and marriage ended this way, but know what will be will definitely be. I still have the believe that your wife will still come back in due time but then, it left for you to take her back or not. They always behave in such way and it's because they are been manipulated outside but when they get to the street and see that it's not funny out there, she will want to creep in back into your life for safety

Solutions....
Try and get social and go out often, even though this is hard as an introvert, try and force yourself to mingle and socialize. It will help you divert your thoughts and makes your healing faster.

Desist from clubbing ,smoking, drinking and womanizing, all these will never help your situation but rather complicate and compound it more.

Go hit the gym, dress well and smart, you will see another woman better than your ex that won't make you miss her again as that will serve as an emotional . But be sure you have healed before jumping into another relationship so it won't be like a love rebound and don't try to compare the new woman with your ex cos that will come in, have in mind that people are different and unique in their own way.

Pray and get more closer to God, he will give you the grace and strength you need to move on.

I have two daughters and have been divorced for two years now, my kids are with her , even though it's difficult to keep plan with the kids, pls try and be in the life of the kid, my own wife cheated in marriage and even during separation, she wasn't remorse to apologize which shows she doesn't value the marriage again, now she is philandering about and I don't give a fu*ck about it but I know a day is coming that she will come begging but bet me I will never take her back, I rather move on with another woman than accepting her. Be strong and focused to build yourself bro, it's a phase and will sure . Shalom

Odafe360:
you think I'm broke? Lolss... You're pathetic

Fools always expose themselves with their speech, they think having money makes one immune to everything.

I’ll advise you mingle with friends. Stop being an introvert, socialize, make new friends, hangout and you’ll realize this life isn’t hard.

DestinedForGrea:

A bit of digression please, I hope your wife and her family are aware that you have a son?

Which kain wahala be dis nah.

My wife is not aware but I hope to tell her someday but I have codedly told my eldest child that he has a brother somewhere

It's called TRAUMA...!

Moving past a difficult and stressful relationship takes time, and the scars never leave.

Get another chicken.

Made up story..

And many people replies as if they cant sniff a fake story when they see one.

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.

I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

Are you a Christian?

Life is indeed scary